Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Mental

To say I've been struggling the last few weeks would be an understatement. Starting our homeschool using a curriculum has been stressful. Quitting my job of the last five years has made me sad. Abi has been stressful. Adjusting to teaching an extra kid has been stressful. Not having a speck of "me time" in my schedule has been stressful. Our finances stretching tighter than a rubber band is stressful. 

And we all know how well I handle loads of stress. 

Yes, the chemical imbalance has started kicking in. Sleeplessness, depression, anxiety attacks. I'll admit, with some shame, that I had a bit of a meltdown this morning when a financial snafu, lack of sleep, the promise of a long day, and a scheduled phone call with a school administrator over a clerical error all conspired to hit me in the gut at once, not to mention that three-year-old Bean still rocks the endless "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" phase. Thankfully, Hubby is more even-keel than I am, and he calmly rode the wave, fixed me green tea, helped get school going and finally took off for work leaving a much calmer me with the kids. Still, it wasn't fun. 

I'm seriously crossing my fingers and praying hard that things settle down soon. I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking, setting my year up this way. 


Wait, I do know what I was thinking. Hearing Curly say, "I LOVE school this year" and listening to a reluctant reader suddenly immerse himself in Peter Pan so thoroughly that he only comes up for breath two pages later... that's what I was thinking. Hearing the tinkling notes of a beginning piano tune as a promise of future concertos, watching a struggling speller get a 100% on a spelling test, explaining the feudal system by playing chess... this is what I was thinking. 

It'll be worth it. 

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