I know, I know. We said we weren't moving ahead with an adoption. We said we had a nice, tidy plan in place and that we'd wait until later when all our ducks were in a row.
But do you know what I've found out about life? God doesn't work in nice, tidy boxes. He works in messy, noisy, chocolate-pudding-covered ways. As soon as we get things all safely figured out, He goes and changes the game plan.
You see, I like to look at photolistings. These dangerous little sites have pictures and little bios of kiddos who needs homes and families. I've been looking at various photolisting sites for at least five years. Once in a while I ask Hubby about a kid. Four times we've even gone so far as to inquire with the social workers about a kid. None of those kids have ever joined our family or even come close. They weren't the right ones and as far as I know they all have families of their own except the most recent two. Then this little girl came along.
Well, we found a little girl who fit the exact criteria we wanted. So we did an inquiry with the agency who handles her case.
They sent us a picture. Bear in mind this has happened three or four times before and there was always some reason it would not work out.
This time, though, all the pieces dropped into place.
I read her medical information.
I looked at her picture. Again and again. See what I mean about God changing the game plan?
I emailed Hubby and his laconic response was, "Oh my, cute little gourd." (He calls little, round baby heads "gourds.")
All day today I've been hazily floating along in much the same way as I felt when I took a pregnancy test many years ago and discovered a thin pink line.
Then I started freaking out. God wants us to pay off our debts, not go into more debt. I began to doubt the wisdom of our decision and conversations with various relatives and friends did nothing to shore up my shaky platform of fear.
I knew I needed help. Laying on my bed tonight, tears running down my face, I had a long, sobbing telephone conversation with my mom. She encouraged me, reminding me that God doesn't always do things in our time-line. She also reminded me that God is faithful. If He wants us to pay off our debt, then we should continue doing so. The impossible is exactly where He likes to step in.
So here I sit. In the impossible.
We're adopting this little girl, of that I am certain. By faith alone will it happen, because I have no idea how it will. I have a peace and serenity that I cannot understand. I'm simply supposed to do my part, to be a good Mommy to my Goombas, to work my moonlighting jobs, to fill out the mountains of paperwork. He will take care of the rest.
Whenever I get a test of faith, I always see in my mind a little animated stick figure (me) jumping off the cliff of safe, secure planning and falling freely into a desert canyon much like the Grand Canyon, where nothing is certain. Then at the eleventh hour, God catches me in His enormous hand and I suddenly feel safe again and amazed at what He does beyond what I think is possible.
We've definitely jumped.