My friend Ann tagged me with her Theta Mom meme. While I don't usually participate in memes unless it's 4:00 AM and Facebook is open, I also don't want to let her down. The trouble is that I am still trying to figure out what exactly a Theta Mom (True Authentic Mom) actually IS. It seems to be a sort of tell-all insane Mommy-moment meme as if confessing to carrying poopy diapers in your purse is actually unusual. As far as I can see I am supposed to name five things I do as a mom that I never thought I would do in my innocent pre-parental days of uber-sophisticatedness that was me back when I did Marching Band. The trouble with that was that I helped raise my little sister. Yes, folks, I got a load of baby poop in the face at age eleven. I was broken in young.
So I guess I'll think of five random embarrassing things and pretend they are as shocking as finding the toddler anointing the business end of my cat with lipstick. Here goes...
1. I bribe my children. Repeatedly and gleefully. It's how I get them to eat, to pick up toys and to use the toilet. Chocolate is God's gift to mothers in so many ways.
2. I used to store my breastmilk in ziplock baggies. The Glad brand. Unsterilized. I suppose Little Mister is doomed to have some sort of toxin-induced glandular disease later in life. I hope not.
3. When my daughter belches, I laugh rather than correcting her.
4. Since I hate to cook, I get take-out as often as I absolutely can. If I had my way, I would never, ever cook a meal. That being said, though, when I do cook, it usually turns out really good.
5. I am terrified of strangers. Well, all people in general, actually. For this reason, I encourage my children to talk to people so they won't grow up as paranoid as I am. So far they are all really outgoing and I have never had to force the issue. I have yet to solve the problem of stranger-danger; I just keep them close.
There you have it: a glimpse into my inner sanctum. A tiny peek into those self-defining actions that will shape my children's entire futures. These are what Mommy-ing is REALLY all about.
To spread the love, I tag: