The other day Hubby called the lady at the Dept. of Child Services to find out about foster-adopt. When the woman found out that we had a specific age in mind she turned quite cold, to the point of being rude. Apparently if you don't want to take in any kid they need to give you, they don't even want to bother with you. In WA they had that attitude a little bit but they were still polite and friendly in hopes of changing our minds. I have to say it was working too. But this woman was so negative I almost don't want to even bother.
I just found out a dear friend of mine is expecting. Her fourth. The longing is so strong in me anyway for another baby, but this is like lemon juice in the wound. Playing in the back of my head too is the story of an older woman's abortion recently. Why oh why can't I have THAT baby? I know it doesn't work that way. Kind of like baby thrift store... enough babies to go around. Some are not wanted, some families want them desperately. Why can't we simply share?
I'm beginning to think that the misery of pregnancy and the fear of complications would almost be worth it again. At least this time I know how truly awful it would be for sure and I know who I can and cannot count on for help. Unlike some people, I still do have that choice; I have not so far had any trouble conceiving. I'm not sure what to do, one day I lean one day, one day another. Yes, I still really truly want to adopt an abandoned baby. But to get beat up by the foster care system is a high price to pay and I'm not sure if I am emotionally strong enough to deal with it. Perhaps we ought to go to an agency.
If we do decide to get pregnant I think it would be better to wait a year. When my kids are a year older they will be much more independent and less adversely affected by my nine-month sickness, depression, pain and such. We'll see. I'm not sure I'm going to go through all that again, even though I know I want more wonderful little people.