Sunday, September 7, 2008

Dilemma

The other day Hubby called the lady at the Dept. of Child Services to find out about foster-adopt. When the woman found out that we had a specific age in mind she turned quite cold, to the point of being rude. Apparently if you don't want to take in any kid they need to give you, they don't even want to bother with you. In WA they had that attitude a little bit but they were still polite and friendly in hopes of changing our minds. I have to say it was working too. But this woman was so negative I almost don't want to even bother.

I just found out a dear friend of mine is expecting. Her fourth. The longing is so strong in me anyway for another baby, but this is like lemon juice in the wound. Playing in the back of my head too is the story of an older woman's abortion recently. Why oh why can't I have THAT baby? I know it doesn't work that way. Kind of like baby thrift store... enough babies to go around. Some are not wanted, some families want them desperately. Why can't we simply share?

I'm beginning to think that the misery of pregnancy and the fear of complications would almost be worth it again. At least this time I know how truly awful it would be for sure and I know who I can and cannot count on for help. Unlike some people, I still do have that choice; I have not so far had any trouble conceiving. I'm not sure what to do, one day I lean one day, one day another. Yes, I still really truly want to adopt an abandoned baby. But to get beat up by the foster care system is a high price to pay and I'm not sure if I am emotionally strong enough to deal with it. Perhaps we ought to go to an agency.

If we do decide to get pregnant I think it would be better to wait a year. When my kids are a year older they will be much more independent and less adversely affected by my nine-month sickness, depression, pain and such. We'll see. I'm not sure I'm going to go through all that again, even though I know I want more wonderful little people.

3 comments:

  1. We didn't do much in the foster care program but from the time we were in the system this is what we learned...

    If you are looking to adopt a baby you'll have better chances going through private adoption.

    Most of the kiddo's go back home.

    Care for sibling groups is in high demand.

    We went through the PRIDE training, got licensed and about a month later got our first placement. It was a 6 week old boy and his 3 year old sister. This was also the same day that we found out we were pregnant with Abigail. Before taking the placement we asked the social worker about the situation as we were not looking to do short term placements but long term and only those who's parental rights were already terminated or about to be. The social workers gave us "yes" answers to all of our questions. We took the placement and the following 2.5 weeks were a whirlwind that tested us and played with our hearts. The children were not legally free nor anywhere near being. The social worker didn't think they would go back home, however the state couldn't provide substantial proof due to a technicality so they went home. We jumped in fully with our hearts fully ready to call those two our forever children.

    We did learn a lot with that placement. 1) social workers will tell you anything to get you to take a placement 2) you have to guard your heart and give the children your whole heart at the same time 3) fostering is not easy and foster to adopt is even harder.

    Andrew and I didn't take another placement after that because of my high risk pregnancy. We're still licensed and will continue to remain licensed but I don't think that fostering is right for us. We do plan on adopting at least one of our children...we'll probably go the route of a private adoption in the future.

    Oh and all the while we were going through this, we also gave our home study to the local pregnancy crisis center and we got picked 3 times over the last 9 months but we again turned the placements down because we strongly felt that Abby was going to make it. We also felt that those babies should go to other couples who we're having success as we were at the time.

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  2. Ha ha, you know what my comment will be! Too bad!!!!!!!! You stick to your guns and take the kids that work for you. YOU, not that lady are the one opening your home up and YOU have to live with the kids you take in.

    Now, we were licensed for 0-18 and always prayerfully considered the kids we were called about. You can say no or yes to any placement. We found ourselves taking a wide range of children for foster care and loved it. Now, if you are doing foster/adopt and don't want the possibility of the adoption not happening you have to choose to be called for legally free children only. Period. No social worker should EVER tell you that a child will not be going home. Until those papers are SIGNED and rights terminated there is always, always, always the possibility of them going home. I agree with Kristin that if you want a newborn and you want to adopt the newborn a private adoption is a better option. Sometimes those babies come up for adoption in foster care and sometimes they go home or to other family like an aunt or something. The goal of foster care is reunification with the family, NOT adoption. They will always look to family first, then a non-relative adoption.

    Anyway, you know my thoughts and you can get licensed, be picky and wait for that right child to. That isn't wrong. Besides, don't you want a safe haven baby? The state has an agenda and they have a need for foster parents and I'm sorry Idaho has been kind of lame. Every state is different, Washington is much more friendly as well as Texas regarding what you want or desire for your family. Unfortunately each state regulates it's own "attitudes" I guess you could say...

    Blessings friend! I know that as you knock on doors you will know the right one to go through.

    Look, I wrote a book! You know it's my passion...

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  3. I know and I love that I have you to turn to for encouragement and advice. You're right that the right doors will open because Da Big Man is in charge. We just need some guidance right now to find those doors!

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