Ok, so I was reading a blog tonight by a couple who are planning to adopt a baby and they were avidly raising money to do so. It struck me tonight that this is weird. They are raising money to get a baby. Does that mean they are buying a baby? I really, really want to adopt a baby. I want a third baby and I don't want to go through the pure hell that my pregnancies were for a third time. I want our family to have five people in it. But I don't want to pay $20,000 for a baby, although assuredly they are worth much, much more, worth so much that it is ludicrous to put a dollar amount on a human life.
I want another baby so badly I dream about it at night.
My question tonight as I read about this other family who is selling T-shirts to fund their adoption is this: Why do we pay for things like this? Why do adoption agencies charge $20,000? Answer: because someone out there will pay it.
At first I thought that it's no different than the cost of having a baby. But it is. Fist of all medical care is crazy-stupid-outrageous-don't-get-me-even-started-on-that-subject. It reminds me of getting an itemized hospital bill and noticing with chagrin that the band-aid that your nurse put on the hole in your arm where they gave you the shot cost $6.98. Not the shot, the band-aid. Why do we comparison shop in Wal-Mart for band-aids to find the box that costs under $4 but the hospital charges us $6.98 for a single band-aid? Because we pay it. Or in this case our insurance company pays it.
Same thing here. How can kids in the foster care system be the kids they are begging us to take, almost paying us to take while adoption agencies charge the equivalent of a house down-payment to adopt a kid? Are some kids worth less than others in the general scheme of things? Are we allowing trafficking in humans? Do we have discount kids? "Free Kid, over this way." Can the adopted kid say to the other adopted kid, How much did YOUR parents pay for you?
Stuff like this really bugs me. It bugs me that terrific couples have to sell T-shirts and fund-raise to get a kid while teen girls standing downwind from teen boys can have as many kids as they want. It bugs me that we live in a country where someone this evening killed a baby for convenience while I sit here wanting another baby so badly I can taste it yet I cannot have one because I don't have a hefty chunk to pay an adoption agency or 50-square-feet of spare spare bedroom space for the state licensor to approve. It bugs me that we pay the hospital $6.98 for a band-aid and just go on with life because we have insurance, so that makes it okay.
Why can't life be more fair?
I am positive that this couple will raise the money they need in order to adopt their kid. My point is: they should not have to.
Does anyone out there have a baby they don't want? No, I'm not offering to buy it.
I agree that adoption prices are outrageous. So many children need homes; I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI know all too well about this subject since I have done a private adoption (paid) and a foster adoption (free). It does take money to run agencies that is for sure so if a couple chooses to go that route then we do have to pay. I don't know if paying THAT much is right but somebody has to pay for the counselors, workers, home studies, lawyer fees, birth mother costs if they do not have insurance, etc. Thankfully there is a 10,000 plus tax credit that is good for 5 years and we have definitley made good use of it! Plus we got a grant from an adoption ministry that really helped too. Our agency also said pay what you can at no interest each month, there heart was to place kids not make money and they were in a modest home with huge hearts and no recurring fees...not all agencies are like that! People need to do the research, there are good places out there to adopt through.
ReplyDeleteAs for state adoption, it is free but there are no guarantees you'll get to adopt. The goal of foster care is reunification with the family and if that can't happen then they look for a non-relative placement. Yes it is free and that is a blessing but the foster care system is not an adoption agency but it has to be when those kiddo's just can't go home. Not everyone is cut out for that "maybe" adoption.
I agree that things are whacked and it is annoying...sigh...but I wouldn't trade my kids for anything...and I'd pay it again for my Little Brown Eyes.
Yes, I thought of you and I remember that you'd done it both ways. I really appreciate your insight and comments on this subject.
ReplyDeletePlease pray that God makes the way clear to us. It sure looks like there are roadblocks everywhere right now on the baby front!
I don't want to come across as greedy. I am SO grateful for the kiddos I do have. I just feel that our family may not be quite complete!
Well sometimes there are roadblocks when the timing isn't quite right! I know adoption has been on both of your hearts for awhile now (I remember when you got licensed way back when...). Your in school now and moving and often we had roadblocks so we could get the right kid, like Little Z! :) I was so frustrated with the roadblocks to licensing down here etc. and the placements that fell through and then we got our new little foster son and he was just right.
ReplyDeleteI know you are grateful for your kiddo's and it's okay you don't feel complete. A child would be blessed to come into your home and when the time is right it will all work out. They may not be born yet or even conceived yet!! Just think! I always think that when we got Alex, Carlosse was already born and in what I'd call a "holding" pattern for us. Someday you'll get to look back too!!
Oh, other adoption possibilites are private with just the person placing with you. You just have to pay lawyer fees then. Just make sure you get an adoption lawyer so they don't mess it up!
Bless you friend, I know the frustration!
To me, that sounds like the ideal situation. Someone needs a family and chooses us to adopt the baby. We pay the lawyer to get things finalized. The thing is, I have no idea how that would ever happen. I don't run across people who need adoptive families very often!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like something miraculous for it to happen that way and I don't plan to hold my breath...
Oh, and the thing that is REALLY on my heart and has been for years is to "rescue" a baby that would otherwise die, either by abortion or abandonment. THAT is something I really don't have control of! I know there are safe haven laws and that those babies go into the foster care system. I know that Care Net counsels women and I donate to them.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that first inspired me was hearing about Garden of Angels, back a long time ago. I cried and cried the first time I heard about it. I still have tears every time I read about it. I think it might have been in an old Reader's Digest that I first heard about that.