A feather

You know the feather in the beginning of Forrest Gump? That's how my life feels right now. Blown here to there with no rhyme or reason and very little control. I went from a summer break (paid, becuase my paychecks were spread out) to one week of one job to quitting because my whole paycheck went to childcare. Then started another job and it was so incredibly stressful that it totally sucked, even though it was supposed to be a great job and with great people. Okay, I've wanted to work at the church for like 10 years, but I found out that I couldn't handle all that this job entails! So I gave notice. Now I'm going to try half time, which might turn into full time again. My life is so confusing! Where do I get off the roller-coaster ride? I wish I was a kid again with parents to handle this stuff. No, actually, I don't because I am a control freak and when someone else handles the details, I don't like how they do it. So my thoughts are floating around like the feather too.

Geez, I need to chill out and trust God more. I mean, really. Like do I believe He's in control or don't I? I wish my brain would just let go and relax. Instead it spins around from thng to thing and worries like crazy. You know that verse that says "Do not worry"? In Matthew. Well, I wonder how you're supposed to turn it off? I picture my Auxilliary People (sometime I've got to write a whole blog entry just on those. Hubby made them up. They're hilarious.) running around looking for the Worry switch to turn it off. And they can't find it so they're getting more and more frantic as they search for the switch that shuts off worrying. I'm not even sure what I worry about. Like I'm not worried about us starving. Or not paying our bills. Or that something will happen to us. But I worry that I'll never like my job, or that if I quit my job then we really won't be able to pay our bills and that I'll be all stressed out about money. When I was a kid I thought, "Who cares about money?" Well, I was naive then. You have to care about money cause even living in this dump of a place, it takes money to stay here.

Whew! Now I got all of that off my chest. I bet I can go enjoy part of a Caramello Bar and have family night with hubby. We love playing Starcraft or Age of Empires. Sounds fun. God bless whoever might have read this bit of venting. It's so nice just to get it out of me and onto the computer. Hopefully my life will improve soon and the blogs will become more cheerful. I love to be cheerful. :)